F E L I N E R S

This post is born out of anger + frustration + scorn + disgust + every other adjectives that you readers can think of alongside those themes.

I briefly mentioned it to Bee whilst chatting on MSN this morning and I also told her it isn't something new; I'm not really bothered by it. It is true.

But in the shower my mind pondered on it a little and I find myself fuming by the time I got out. So what's a feline to do? Bitch about it on a blog! After all, everyone needs to vent out that bubbling lava once in a while.

Let me start with my Malaysian counterparts although the thing that triggered this happened yesterday here in NY.

To my fellow friend *Steve who greets me on MSN with the phrase
"...so new yorker ehh.."
or
"so...asianwhite ehhh?" (following my posting up some link to some discussion on interracial relationships btwn asian females & white males)

i say, "FUCK YOU". I wish someone would shoot you to the Moon. Quit being a sore loser and accept the fact that I am just plain not interested in you. Just because I am dating a white male doesn't mean I have anything against my own race or that i uphold the 'white is superior' conundrum. Instead of making it seems like I, as an Asian (Southeast Asian to be precise) female has a problem (because I am dating a white guy), has it ever occured to you that maybe you yourself suffers from low self-esteem, hence choosing to take it personally that the reason why you are not my love interest is simply because of your skin color? Just because you've been spent time in one of my top 5 travel destination doesn't mean you have what it takes to make me fall in love with you. FUCK YOU.

To my close acquaintance *Richard who said,

him: what does ur bf do again?
me: IT consultant
him: U pandai choose bf lahh. So easy... smarts girls like you pick the rich ones and run off with them...

to him I say,"DOUBLE FUCK YOU". If you think that girls like me wouldn't runaway with you because you're a ________ and don't make enough money, then go prostitute yourself and make enough money to get someone to runaway with you lar. Although if you ask me, I'd say chances of someone runnning away with you to some foreign land is still pretty slim even if you're a billionaire. If you don't have what it takes, look in the mirror, admit it and improvise via constuctive criticism lar. Don't use the excuse of not having enough money. That's lower than low.

Moving on to what happened yesterday. To *Adrien my bartending instructor(i visited for refreshment class) who said,

Him: heyyy how have u been?
me: good good.
we proceeded to talk about other things whilst a brunette girl in the class listened.
she interrupted, asking if I'm currently looking for a job since I've graduated. I said no, and continued to explain why. *Adrien interrupted.
him: Jessica doesn't need to work.
she: (has a very interested look on her face)
me: shut up *Adrien.
him: Jessica has money coming in from somewhere without having to move a single muscle...

I'm not gonna tell *Adrien to fuck off. I guess considering the fact that he was my instructor, I just have this ignorant attitude as to it doesn't really matter what he wants to think. Anyway, I told the story cuz its connected to the following conversation.

During break I went downstairs for a smoke. The brunette from before was downstairs smoking too.

she: So u don't work?
me: no, i moved here with my bf about 4 months and i don't have a permission to work yet.
she: ohh...what does he do?
me: IT consultant
she: so... he does ok?
me: erm...eyahh I guess so. (thinking, how weird)
she: he's american right? how long have u guys been together? how did u meet?
me: he's australian. we met in malaysia. he was working there.
she: so he's like, blond haired and blue eyed right?
me: yeah he's caucasian (out of all the weird questions i've ever been asked, this is the weirdest one of all from someone i've known for 30 minutes)
she: ...he's alot older than u?
me: 12 years yes.
she: ohhhh...i used to be like that too.
me: what do u mean?
she: with my ex bf, i didn't work as well. but then we broke up.

That's part of the conversation. I wouldnt say I was really pissed off or anything like that...as most people seem to stereotype girls like me that way anyway. What I found really weird is when she asked "so he's like blond-haired, blue-eyed right?". WTF. It was as if she was trying to confirm some sort of perception that was forming in her head.

The later whilst I was bartending, this guy *Chris and I started talking.

him: so I heard from *Cindy that ur from Malaysia
me: yep I am. been here a couple of months
him: so you live with your family here?
me: nope. just me. friends, family, job, dogs all back there.
him: just you?
me: well, i came here because my bf started working here.
him: ohhh. bf. he's from malaysia?
me: australia. we met in malaysia.
him: what does he do?
me: IT consultant.
him: so you decided that he's gonna be a rich american so you came over here huh?
me: (laughed) i told u he's not american
him: ok so u decided that he's gonna be rich so you came over here.
me: (i can't remember how i reacted)
him: why u laughing if that's not true?
me: (at this point i was ready to grab the nearest bottle on the bar and smash it across his smug face)
me: well, what do you expect me to do? punch you in the face and get booted out of the bar? since i'm a bartender i think i should have a sense of humor right.

Later on I learnt more about *Chris. He's probably in his early 40s- trying to make a living as a bartender. Divorced. 2 Kids. During our group walk to the subway he said,

him: once u get married the guy looses all the power. its different when you're dating- when you're dating the guy can do whatever he wants. but the moment you get married, the power shifts. you have kids, the power shifts even more. you get divorced, the woman takes everything- your money, your house, your kids.
me: (thinking) ahhhh. another one of those sore losers.

To *Chris I say TRIPLE FUCK YOU. Just because you had gone through some fairytale-gone-sour marriage and that your ex-wife is some inconsiderate bitch who took everything away from you does not mean that the whole world is filled with similar females. Instead of scorning us females maybe you should scorn yourself for being stupid?

Last but not least, the the Pakistani cabbie driver who took me home(I finally lost my temper). Getting in the cab I said,

me: how u doin tonight?
him: not too bad. quite good actually. ur a sweet customer.
me: ppl never ask u how u doin?
him: most ppl dont.
me: i guess i am sweet then.
Then we did the usual where-you-from, how-long-you-been-here thing which I'm getting really really sick of btw.
Suddenly, the friendly Pakistani cabbie said,
him: so being friends with an Australian does have its advantages huh? (he is referring to the E3 visa we were talking about)
me: (mortified) excuse me? he is MY boyfriend.
him: so are you planning to marry him? no? come on, you can tell me, i'm just a stranger.
me: WHATTT? what the hell are you sayin? look just stop here.
him: but you said mott and prince.
me: just fuckin stop here. which part of that don't you fucking understand? i'd rather walk than sit in your fucking cab.

I walked 8 blocks home with my cigarettes. That was my entire night. On the way home I was trying to find comfort in something and I remember the nice conversation I had with Alan, the sixty-something guy whom I had met at the bar whilst waiting for my turn to guest bartend. I like talking to old people. It's my fetish. I like to listen to the lessons they've learnt in life and what advice they might have to offer to someone like me. I knew that Sasha the Yugoslavian dude from bartending class was a little confused as to why I chose to have a conversation with Alan instead of him. (Sorry mate. A lot of things get better with age- especially conversational skills)

me: so what would you say is the secret recipe to a successful relationship?
him: I don't know (shaking his head frankly)
me: u have no advice or words of wisdom to offer me?
him: well, i say this. not really for relationships in general but to a man, i would say, 'marry a woman with a brain'.
me: marry a woman with a brain?
him: yes, when you're young you can fuck like a jackrabbit, day in and day out. but there'll come a day when you can't. and if you can't what are you going to do if you married someone who can't carry a conversation with you? that's the reason why my wife and i divorced. after 36 years.

Remembering Alan's word I smiled to myself. I may not know everything- I don't think anyone does- but for such a hellish night I take comfort in knowing that at least I had started off on the right path.