F E L I N E R S

Friendship 101 - A regular maintenance through thoughtful cultivation.

You might want to scroll down and take a quick glance of what’s about to come. Yes, this urge of wanting to place many words on screen has hit me – this is due to the decision of a weekend-stay in. Also, I have our local internet service provider who has such ennui manner to thank for, the internet in the apartment has not been set up, with which, I might be obsessively browsing facebook.com instead. Haha, yes, very juvenile, as puss says.

(Pardon my long post but I have to build an introduction of a character before going on to the climax in order to create a desired outcome.)

Before I started this piece, I was briefly reading what I used to write on another page – things that I made myself write in order for me to recall back on things. (I am proud to say, I have written a charming amount of ELEVEN entries in my many years of life. Bravo.) Nothing much has changed. The person that I was before is still very much the same – having the same Wants, Inspirations, Thoughts, Feelings, Perspective on Life, facing the Never Ending growing up Pains and mostly other lifely things. There is One thing though, which had me change in such a way that discovering it is considered as great as The Enlightenment. I naturally went into a soul-searching and self discovery phase which I enjoyed immensely as I see myself from the outside, walking beside myself and able to think from outside my head. (No, there’s no need to forward a psychiatrist’s number to me, thank you). All I’m saying is that I have grown up and things that I see are rather different, in a good way. Most of my Actions and Reactions are of a different path now and are constantly backed with a solid reason – something of essence and truthful to myself. This, authentically, gave me a new sense of meaning.

Before, I often find myself saying things that deemed to fit a situation, (at least I think so) but not knowing Why it came about. But today, as if conjured to me like magic, I tend to have countless instances and insights. Given a same situation to me a decade ago, I might have faced it with a same kind of reaction I would today, but if I were to explain Why, I would not know then. People would be left in oblivion because I did not know how to express my own feelings and reactions and I left it at that.

Many a times we may not know who we are growing up – the undiscovered inner rock star angst, the quiet and shy person in school who might grow up to become a social butterfly and all. You know what I mean? These are things that are not told to us. “Hello, you are born into this world. You are supposed to be a brilliant trombone player.” Uh-Uh. *flexing the index finger from left to right* We are to discover ourselves together with peers. I never knew I may have the tendency of liking the colour Green when a friend asked, “You must like green. I notice u have a few green stuffs”. Oh. I Could like green, without noticing it before. So, wow, this friend found out that I liked green and told me about it. This is fun. And from then on, I gathered more and more stuffs and I would, of course, take notice of others too. We would start knowing one another, and oneself more as we hold more conversations. Awesome. And with that, I grow up alongside many wonderful people who contributed in my life discovery.

(At this stage of the karangan, if you are getting restless, u can skip the rest of my Artful words, unless u have a Want to share my rambles, then go make a cup of coffee and read on.)

Growing up with parents who go for dancing competitions and bringing back medals, it is not hard for me to make a decision in wanting to take dance lessons. The lack of interest among young people make me see it as an uncool thing to do and being a teenager who was afraid to be different, I stopped showing interest in it. I shoved the idea to the back of my head until I stepped into college. I see other kids with characters walking about – there’s the rocker chick with punk hairdo who always had a red item with her, or some dude with tattoos all over his body I could hardly see his original skin colour. I told myself to Do Something. Be Someone. Join a Club. Don’t be just another person who’s afraid of things.

I signed up in a dance class.

A classmate got interested and started asking me for details. I did not possess a car then and she offered to drive me for the classes. I was so thrilled with joy especially to find out that she lives in the city, which, I think, is considerably far for her. Instantly I felt like I have met another uncool person who digged dancing too! I stopped feeling different.

You have no idea how an 18-year-old, small towner feels when she first stepped out from her parents’ house compounds. Being in a new environment, with no friends, no means of transportation, low self esteem, I was seemingly lost. And having a mother who has a bizarre way of bringing me up, she always told me scary things like going to a school camp might end up being eaten by a panther or crossing the road to the playground might result in a deadly accident caused by big trucks. All of which, I understood her good intentions but she instilled fear in me that when I first stepped into an unfamiliar world outside from home, I feared more until I started getting some particular phone calls. Ah, yes, the uncool-whiny-voiced girl who chauffeurs me to dance class. She would ask to hang out at clubs, for coffee, short travels to the beach, barbecues, stay over, have chats etc. Awesome.

I love conversations. About Boys. Life. Girly matters.
I love ideas. Go travel. Take a language class. Go for dance class.
I love growing up. Talk about current & future activities. How we would take each others’ children as god children. How we would open a cute li’l café/ book store with jazzy & scary tunes. And of course, a cute li’l cake shop too.

I love the fact that I can say whatever that I want to say to this whiny-voiced girl. She is always so diplomatic, indulged in me and my nuances, with such genuine interest. That was when Right and Wrong eluded me. There was never a time when I was deemed wrong or hard-headed, as things would be considered as mere differences, that’s all.

At the same time of the whiny-girl era, I was living with a bunch of students who rented an apartment near college. There was this one rather feisty girl whom one would not miss as she is always fond of merry-making. I often find myself chatting with her with such candour because of her conviviality. She may be feisty, but ironically, I felt the most comfortable with her. We often discuss matters by bringing out our opinions. This belief of having to discuss things had so much to do with her confidence in me. This could be one of the key things to becoming soulmates, as I was once told. (and no, I’m not gay). We may have our occasional kicks in our bums from one another, but these only shows how natural and truthful we are.

I may be late for an outing with her, she okay-ed it by making herself comfortable waiting that extra half hour alone. This, I truly believe, her goal is to have a quality time, therefore she could so over look the fact that I was late.

I may cry calling her on the phone, feeling lonely sitting on the floor of a mall, with woeful problems, she replied saying that she’d be there with me soon. During the woeful phase, she’d follow up with phone calls of concern.

I may be bored to death at home and felt lazy to hang out, she would come over despite needing to pay two toll fares, a half hour ride (on a clear traffic), and risk having her car tyres being clamped for parking at illegitimate parking bays. (which, up to date, she has spent a total of RM120 just visiting me)

I may have happy stories to share regarding my latest travels, or my wildest dreams, or my latest thoughts, new movies and stuffs. She would see things through my eyes and celebrate my happiness without any tinge of jealousy or judgment. Instead, she would parade my happiness and spread it among her friends, whom I meet up occasionally.

And of course, there’s the rock/ grunge chiqa who is always with a red item on her wherever she goes. She’s a little bit like myself. A Capricorn. Born only 5 days apart. Remember when I told u about the visual of a halo above your head with an accompanying arpeggio tunes on an electric organ, a bright light shining from behind u? Haha. That was what it was like when I discovered the softer side of this rock/ grunge chiqa. A whimsical young girl, with such strong wills and dreams, whose poem once made my eyes trickled a tear. With open arms, she welcomed me over to her house last Christmas eve, allowing me to meet her Whole Family, there were about twenty over guests and truthfully speaking, I have never felt so accepted in a family who addressed me by my name. Don’t be surprised. Most of my own relatives do not know of my existence, let alone my name.

Over here I have allowed my mind to run free. Why are you reading this rather narcissist, long-winded post? Haha. Blame it on this rock/ grunge chick! Blame it on her! Haha. Well, she has always given me a nudge; but I bet she doesn’t know. From her, she inspired me to write. To draw. To take photographs using a funky method. To listen to scary songs. To step on a train and forget the rest. To throw sarcasms in each other’s face, like totally, kinda thing, ya knowatta mean? Like The Secret kinda thing??

I have entered a world where I am free to express myself, a world where I won’t be excluded, judged or wronged.

I have been shown Love in friendships - be it in good or bad times, continents apart or just a block a way.

I am given the chance to build on my self-esteem that I once lacked thereof.

As quoted by F. Scott Fitzgerald, “the sign of an intelligent person is the ability to keep two contradictory ideas in his head at the same time and still function.
With friendship, the 2 contradictory ideas are,
friends can be immense complication, huge burden, and a royal pain in the bum, and
without friendship, we are all lost.”

I’m glad to have met intelligent people.

I often wondered, do those contestants of reality tv singing competition know what they are doing? Some stand in the middle of the room, with no idea that they cannot sing, but yet have such indescribable confidence that they can sing. Often enough, we get to watch them make quite a fool of themselves on the national tv, or worse, the international tv. Do their family and friends not tell them beforehand? Why do they not stop them from furthering their humiliation? Perhaps they just want to let them be?

Well, in regards to this matter, I don’t have say for these contestants, but for me, I personally feel that I would never want to be out in the limelight looking silly. I ought to have people around me pull me down when I lose my gravity, to tell me when my tummy bulges out in that dress, or informing me that the food I cook is nowhere near edible etc. Now, This is what I call a True Friend. One who will keep u grounded when u needed to know before floating high with false beliefs. One who is sincerely true to herself and yourself - no acts, no bluffs, no ugly intentions, no greed.

Let’s have some interactive moment here. May I ask you, my faithful reader, how many True Friends do u have? Think hard. One to whom u can bare all, without needing to wear a mask, or be guarded?

I’d say u are damn lucky to have even just One.

Disclaimer: this post has the word ‘I’ and ‘me’ for so many a times, but please, be kindly noted that there is no intention of pushing egotism; this merely acts as a celebration of friendship, which creates the occasional royal pain on my bum.

Rock on. *whistle* *whistle* *whistle*

To anyone who embraces friendship as much as I do, feel free to Rock my World. I will be sure to Rock yours too, if given the chance. *wink* ;) or else, I’d just stay the way I am – shy & quiet.